I did it. I didn't go to washington, but I still did it, I just went. I packed up and got the hell out of Provo. The plan is to be away till at least December. But only time will tell how long I will stay. Till I feel good about going back I guess. Till memories can fade and I can stop caring so much.
But in the mean time, this is my time to restart things. I don't want to start over. I just want to restart things. I see how that sounds like the same thing, starting over and restarting. But the difference is starting over implies all new, the intention to change things and do it differently. While restarting implies nothing will be new or undone, but just gives you the chance to refresh and try again. I probably did a terrible job at explaining the difference or you may not see it as two different meanings. But That's how I see it, and it being my journal, that's what it is.
This is my time to be able to completely move on from things and situations and people that I left behind. Time for me to sit back and examine myself. To examine what Me, Myself, and I want out of the next 5 years, 10 years, and just out of my life. I'm getting scared of the future, it's not looking bright for me at this point. I haven't done my best or given it my all. And it's time for me to re-focus myself and get determined. I refuse to not have a bright future. I didn't make it this far and over come circumstances to just be mediocre. I am Scott Zackery Ditto and I plan to live up to who I am, who I know I will be. I've been being stupid and losing sight of me. I've been putting too many others before myself and to no avail.
Waynesboro, Pennsylvania. This is where I will restart, examine, and re-focus. This is where I leave things to the past and focus on the current. I'm not in Provo, UT anymore and neither will be my thoughts.
It's been a rough start. I don't know anyone out here, no friends. I've meet a few people but all to far to see regularly. I even met a guy that seems to be genuinely interested in me, which is something new for me. But it has it's complications and I have my insecurities. Just another thing to work on resetting. There aren't as many work opportunities as I was hoping there'd be. I've started working part-time at PACSUN, which is my favorite clothing store, so I'm excited for that! Also, I'm going to be planning some traveling and road-trips while I'm out here on the east coast. I can go check out D.C., Baltimore, Philly and Pittsburgh. Also some other cool things like Hershey Park and Gettysburg, PA. But the most exciting one, that I'm thrilled more than anything about, is the chance to go to NYC! NYC is my dream and it's only 4 hours away! (And don't you dare try to explain to me why NYC isn't all that great or what people make it out to be. I'm not so naive as to think it's some perfect city. It's a city and like every city has it's dirty, dangerous, and unattractive side. But it's a city and like every city it has it culture and it's diversity and its beauty with endless opportunities and life. Pet-Peeve of mine: People trying to diminish my grand view of NYC. It's the best place on earth, bitches, so shut it.) I don't have much to do, anywhere to go, or anyone to see. I've been bored out of my mind like never before.
I miss my friends and the familiarity of Utah. I miss meeting people and making a new friend every time I turn the conner. I miss walking every where. But this, to get away, is what I need and what is best for me at this point. I need to restart. I know I will find what is here for me. If there was nothing here for me, then I wouldn't have ended up here. I look forward to returning to Provo and my familiar life there. But I hope that it will not be so familiar. If it is, I failed my time here in Waynesboro. I look forward to returning to Provo, but Provo for now is history and I'm too busy getting caught up in my present and working towards my future. If that includes Provo again, is yet to be known.
I am Scott Zackery Ditto, restarted.
Ditto
P.S. I still need to write out Reason 3, I haven't forgotten. I just haven't been in the writing mood of late.
Whoa, why are you in Pennsylvania? I mean, why did you go there as opposed to somewhere else? What are you up to?
ReplyDeleteTrev, who is this?
DeleteI chose PA cause my brother and sister-in-law are living here. So I have a place to stay. I'm just going to be working as much as I can. I'm hoping to get to travel the east coast a bit as well.
Well, not to rain on your parade, but having worked in both cities and lived in one and near the other, DC is way more fun than New York. New York is for people who sometimes forget that being inconvenienced and uncomfortable is not the same thing as having a good time. DC is clean, comfortable, diverse, cultural, and has absurdly good public transportation. Just make sure to get out of the Monumental Core and Downtown into some more interesting areas where people hang out, like U St NW, H St NE, 14th St NW in Logan Circle, 18th St NW in Adams Morgan, and Eastern Market.
ReplyDeleteCase in Point: http://www.theonion.com/articles/84-million-new-yorkers-suddenly-realize-new-york-c,18003/
Philly seems worthwhile from the brief time I've spent there and Baltimore can actually be a lot of fun if you know where to go (Canton, Federal Hill, Inner Harbor, Jones Falls).
Enjoy your fresh start!
NYC is the shit. That is all. :)
DeleteThanks for the tips!
Miss ya Ditto! I appreciated this post; for the way you posed yourself just as you feel, with all the good, the fears and all. You're great man! Don't lose touch.
ReplyDelete