Not-so-lonely V-Day

Dear Journal,

I told you in the start not to expect me to write regularly for very long! But I'm back, baby! And on Valentines Day of all days! If you recall from a previous entry (This one here. ),  I said Valentines Day is my favorite holiday. That remains truer than ever! I love the day dedicated to love. Be bitter about it and call it over-rated and commercialism at its finest if that's what you want to do. OR go out and love someone! Show appreciation to a friend or two, your mom or dad, your co-worker who is slightly taken for granted, show a little extra attention to that guy or gal you've been interested in. Show and share some love! It's such a great and unique feeling to know someone thought of you on this day.
I'l give the I've-been-MIA-so-here-is-an-update-on-life entry another time.

For today, today, I want to express some love. Good ol' L-O-V-E. This love is for someone specific though ;). This love is for my  man, Mikeum (My-kum(I know what you're thinking, you nasty)). I would insert a picture of us, BUUUUT as with a lot of LGBT LDS cases, there are some family issues that are working out before he and I go viral. Yes, we are viral cute.

Mikeum and I met via the magic that is Tinder. We chatted for a bit, this and that. Then the jerk blocked me on everything and ignored me for a couple weeks, seemingly out of no where. I KNOOOW, who would do that!? Utah gays, thats who. Anyway, my charm and cunning ways, intrigued him once again and he couldn't resist. We decided to go on a date/discuss church/gay stuff; church stuff being why he blocked me. Needless to say, he got hooked on Ditto. We meet up and went on several more cute as shit dates, like the Zoo Lights. That was a good date. After he got over himself and realized I wasn't trying to play him, cause I "seemed the type" (bitch please), we decided to just make it what it already was and just date. We started a journey together on New Years Eve. Start the new year off with some homo love and family drama; check that off the 2015 Gay Agenda, please. Skip lots of personal stuff, because it's personal-duh, but mostly because I don't want to type that crap up, and here we are today! Mikeum is someone I didn't necessarily see myself falling for at first. I didn't feel that initial click right off. But man has this boy grown on me. I mean, you should see his SUPER SMASH BROS skills. Mad. Kinda a turn on watching him kick some Falco butt. Also his love for Pokemon. I love Pokemon, he loves Pokemon and we both hate any Pokemon after the first generation. A match made in heaven, right!? I mean, yeah, there is a bunch of personality and character stuff too, of course. And those damn blue eyes. Wait till you see them. This is a guy I can see something great with. And that is something incredible.

Anyway, I would write more but his car broke down and he isn't able to come to SLC for the day, so I'm on my way to surprise him with some flowers and a special book in Provo and the train is pulling in so I gotz to bounce.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!! 

Ditto

The Lone Wolf

Dear journal,

So, I've come to the conclusion that no matter how social I've become, how "cool" of I guy I get, and no matter how much effort I make (or try not to make) I will never be part of the crowd or group.  All through high school I was the loner. I was in that weird place where I wasn't un-cool or someone people didn't like, but I wasn't cool enough to be included in the various clicks either. So I sat in between the many groups of people and was always left on my own in the end. Alone at lunch. Alone at recess. Alone on the weekends. Just always alone. People would talk to me or hang out with me now and then. And if I were on the verge of making a regular friend, it didn't last long before I was left alone again. I was always just more of an acquaintance for people than a friend.
Often times people say I should have been more outgoing or that some how I was choosing to be a loner. But you tell me, what teenager in high school WANTS or CHOOSES to be alone with no real friends, to not be a part of some group. NONE. Loners aren't loners for the fun of it. Hell, there is no fun in being a loner. You come back to school on Monday and hear about how everyone had such a fantastic weekend with their BFF's and how they did this or that and your sitting there wishing more than anything you had a BFF to just go to a movie with or sit with at the lunch table. Even the damn band nerds had each other. Loners are loners the same reason someone is "a cool kid" or a "loser", because 1. it's just who they are and 2. their circumstances. I wasn't a loser but I wasn't cool either. How do you even change that!?
Anyway. I thought after high school I had evolved and was no longer a loner. I had friends and was always doing fun stuff with them. People were calling me, THEY called ME, people WANTED to hang out with me. I had successful changed myself from "loner" to someone people enjoyed being around and even wanted to be around.

Finally, I was a "cool guy"! But man, was I ever wrong.

None of that lasted. As it always had in the past, those relationships were fleeting. I had somehow slipped back into that cursed position of "the loner"; to cool to ignore or label a loser, but not cool enough to hang.  Despite my efforts to be someone people like and want to call a friend, I was still on my own.

Even today. I find a group of amazing people I'm cool for a blazing moment and then that blaze fizzles out and I'm squeezed to the background, I become "oh Ditto, yeah, he's a cool guy", time after time.  I once again have to listen to how wonderful a weekend was with everyone or told that they are going to be busy with another "cool" person.

I mean, eff, it's even the pattern my relationships follow.  Im amazing and a great guy for two weeks and then before I know it, I was some fling. Dropped like a hot potato.


So what have I come to figure? I'm destined to be a lone wolf. If I could change it I would, but I'm apparently a loner by nature and that bitch wants it to stay that way.

But that's cool. I like me. Sometimes I even crack myself up and can entertain the hell out of myself. But every once in a while, my week is made by that one invite, or that one "how are you" text. I think it keeps me from feeling forgotten. Which is a legit fear of mine (it's a real thing look it up).

So, I challenge you. Think of someone right now. Someone that you like but dont make a lot of effort to reach out to. And invite them to lunch or a night out. Maybe even just text them and chat for a bit. I promise, you'll make all the difference in their day. 

Well, this loner has to go to work.

The Lone Wolf

* This is not a wo me entry.

Who said gods are sexually active?

Dear Journal,

Recently I had a roommate, out of curiosity, ask me questions about being homosexual and mormon. Which, I'm always happy to discuss with people!

One of his questions was (paraphrased); "But what about after this life, when we are creating our own spirit children, two people of the same sex wouldn't be able to do that?"

I mean it's a good question. We know that after this life at some point, assuming we lived to meet the requirements and did all that was needed, we will become as god and start creating our own spirit children and what-nots. So how could a gay god or goddess couple create these spirits?

Well. My response to this is; Who said God is having sex and heavenly mother is popping out little ones left and right? Cause let's be honest, to create all of us that way, all due respect, heavenly father must be poppin the blue pill non-stop and heavenly mother constantly baking some buns in the oven.

Here in Moses 3:5, the lord tells us he created all things spiritually before they were physical.  The key word here is CREATE. As gods we CREATE spirit children. We do not birth spirit children. And that extends to things such as planets. I would hate to think Heavenly Mother had to push all these massive planets out....

Not to mention that Heavenly father didn't really CREATE us. We learn from D&C 93:29 and Abraham 3:22 that we existed as intelligences, even with God, that were "not created or made, neither indeed can be". But that God in fact organized us as intelligences. And it is the organizing that I can only assume is the creating part. 

My point is this: We do not know how God created us. We do not know how we will in turn create more children when we ourselves are gods. So to try and argue that homosexuality is not natural or ordained by God or that "things will be worked out the right way in heaven" by saying that a man and a man or a woman and a woman will not be able to CREATE spirit children is, simply and bluntly, idiotic of the individual. They are assuming that God has sex with his goddess and she births a child. And you know what they say about assuming (it makes you look like an ass).

So yes, I do believe and have full faith that if I marry another male, and if we live worthily of obtaining godhood, that me and my man will create worlds a plenty with beautiful spirit children running around with tails and/or playing with their soul animals. Cause in my worlds, everyone gets a tail and the Golden Compass is real.

Also, my god name will be Zoltron.


Ditto